In light of our 3rd Wedding Anniversary today, I would love to share with you some of the things that have brought Josh and I closer and kept our relationship alive! Our marriage is young, only 3 years old, but we have gone through a lot together! In the past 3 years, we have had a baby, changed jobs, changed churches, gone through the losses of both of my grandmothers, Josh also returned to college to finish his bachelor's degree this year, and graduated, we moved several times (the last move from NW Arkansas to S Florida!), and now are pregnant with baby #2! Plenty of stresses, but many more joys!
Instead, let's focus turning challenges into a way to draw you together and deepen your marriage while raising children. After all, as Psalm 127:3 clearly shares, "Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him".
Here are some things that top my list this morning --
Ways to Grow in Your Marriage when Baby Enters Your Family
You don't have to be carbon copies of each other, in fact - you shouldn't be! The important thing is to be consistent with your child and unified with your partner in what matters most in your family. This is especially valuable as your child grows older, and needs to be guided and corrected. Don't sweat the small stuff -- you will have your differences. Instead, talk about the small stuff in a gentle way, don't let little issues add up to something. It is a neat dynamic to process things with your spouse that you may have never even thought about before, or talked about with anyone else! You get to see that person you love in a new light and figuring out a new role!
2. Make sacrifices and serve!
Step outside of what you are required to do just to get by, and consider how you can make a little extra sacrifice to bless your spouse. This can mean the most. Maybe the house isn't perfect, but you made your spouse a special dessert treat, or wrote a note to let them know you love them, you notice them, and you are thankful for them. These gestures mean so much -- give them, and also receive them!
3. Don't be entitled
This can be one of the hardest things to do. As a pregnant woman, you may be used to being pampered! People open the door for you, help carry your bags, offer you beverages or extra servings of food. Everyone is interested in how you are feeling. There is an abrupt change when you enter Mommy-hood with baby on the outside! You've just gotta do it. You must get out of bed, you must care for that baby's many needs. Don't forget to care for yourself, but the selfish entitlement must end. The demands on you increase substantially - with loving support and help, you can handle it -- but it can be hard to swallow that pill of self-entitlement. Your spouse can help you process this change and be the relief and reality that you need -- remember you're not alone! Connect by helping each other through this newness of...well...adulthood, really.
4. Date Each Other and have FUN!
Just the two of you time -- what a treat and a treasure! Our first date after baby was our first anniversary, our son was just over a month old -- and oh we had so much fun! What would it take to make arrangements to get out together? Rekindle and connect by getting away, even if you don't spend any money other than for a babysitter or spoil each other because you want to see them smile, the possibilities are vast! Hold hands and be uninterrupted :) or be goofy with a round of mini-golf! Can't get away? Try putting baby down earlier in the evening. Our toddler goes to bed before 8 pm -- that way we can have time together, just the two of us -- a mini-date without even leaving home! Don't let your kids be the center of your universe. Remember, one day your kids will grow up and no longer live in your home. Will you be equipped and prepared to interact daily, just the two of you -- and LOVE it?
5. Show Affection
Be complimentary of your spouse, give a heartfelt kiss to each other around your kids and in public. Let your love for each other spill over so that your kids can grow up with the assurance that their parents, no matter what, love each other. I love holding hands with my husband as we drive in the car. We feel connected, even if we're stuck in traffic. Sure, there's a kid in the car-seat behind us, but it sure feels like just-the-two-of-us for that moment!
6. See Life as an Adventure
Parenthood is new for you both of you! See it as an adventure! You may get lost, because the map didn't quite have all of the details. Adapt, make necessary changes, forgive and move along. You may wake up in the middle of the night to unfamiliar sounds. You may have to eat differently than you did before, or smell strange earthy odors... but you're on an adventure, and you'll have stories to tell about this one!
Above all, love one another deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins. - 1 Peter 4:8
What would you add to my list? How do you view kiddos entering into your marriage dynamic?
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