Marriage After Baby

In light of our 3rd Wedding Anniversary today, I would love to share with you some of the things that have brought Josh and I closer and kept our relationship alive! Our marriage is young, only 3 years old, but we have gone through a lot together! In the past 3 years, we have had a baby, changed jobs, changed churches, gone through the losses of both of my grandmothers, Josh also returned to college to finish his bachelor's degree this year, and graduated, we moved several times (the last move from NW Arkansas to S Florida!), and now are pregnant with baby #2! Plenty of stresses, but many more joys! 

Today, I'd like to focus on "Marriage After Baby" --since our son became a part of our life after only 3 months of marriage and was born the month before our first anniversary! Our culture can tend to emphasize the strain that kids can have on your marriage -- you know what I mean, and you could spout off an entire list, I'm sure! 

Instead, let's focus turning challenges into a way to draw you together and deepen your marriage while raising children. After all, as Psalm 127:3 clearly shares, "Children are a gift from the LORD; they are a reward from him". 

Here are some things that top my list this morning -- 

Ways to Grow in Your Marriage when Baby Enters Your Family

1. Get on the same page with your spouse

You don't have to be carbon copies of each other, in fact - you shouldn't be! The important thing is to be consistent with your child and unified with your partner in what matters most in your family. This is especially valuable as your child grows older, and needs to be guided and corrected. Don't sweat the small stuff -- you will have your differences. Instead, talk about the small stuff in a gentle way, don't let little issues add up to something. It is a neat dynamic to process things with your spouse that you may have never even thought about before, or talked about with anyone else! You get to see that person you love in a new light and figuring out a new role!

2. Make sacrifices and serve!

Step outside of what you are required to do just to get by, and consider how you can make a little extra sacrifice to bless your spouse. This can mean the most. Maybe the house isn't perfect, but you made your spouse a special dessert treat, or wrote a note to let them know you love them, you notice them, and you are thankful for them. These gestures mean so much -- give them, and also receive them!

3. Don't be entitled

This can be one of the hardest things to do. As a pregnant woman, you may be used to being pampered! People open the door for you, help carry your bags, offer you beverages or extra servings of food. Everyone is interested in how you are feeling. There is an abrupt change when you enter Mommy-hood with baby on the outside! You've just gotta do it. You must get out of bed, you must care for that baby's many needs. Don't forget to care for yourself, but the selfish entitlement must end. The demands on you increase substantially - with loving support and help, you can handle it -- but it can be hard to swallow that pill of self-entitlement. Your spouse can help you process this change and be the relief and reality that you need -- remember you're not alone! Connect by helping each other through this newness of...well...adulthood, really. 

4. Date Each Other and have FUN!

Just the two of you time -- what a treat and a treasure! Our first date after baby was our first anniversary, our son was just over a month old -- and oh we had so much fun! What would it take to make arrangements to get out together? Rekindle and connect by getting away, even if you don't spend any money other than for a babysitter or spoil each other because you want to see them smile, the possibilities are vast! Hold hands and be uninterrupted :) or be goofy with a round of mini-golf!  Can't get away? Try putting baby down earlier in the evening. Our toddler goes to bed before 8 pm -- that way we can have time together, just the two of us -- a mini-date without even leaving home! Don't let your kids be the center of your universe. Remember, one day your kids will grow up and no longer live in your home. Will you be equipped and prepared to interact daily, just the two of you -- and LOVE it?

5. Show Affection

Be complimentary of your spouse, give a heartfelt kiss to each other around your kids and in public. Let your love for each other spill over so that your kids can grow up with the assurance that their parents, no matter what, love each other. I love holding hands with my husband as we drive in the car. We feel connected, even if we're stuck in traffic. Sure, there's a kid in the car-seat behind us, but it sure feels like just-the-two-of-us for that moment!

6. See Life as an Adventure

Parenthood is new for you both of you! See it as an adventure! You may get lost, because the map didn't quite have all of the details. Adapt, make necessary changes, forgive and move along. You may wake up in the middle of the night to unfamiliar sounds. You may have to eat differently than you did before, or smell strange earthy odors... but you're on an adventure, and you'll have stories to tell about this one! 

Above all, love one another deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins. - 1 Peter 4:8

What would you add to my list? How do you view kiddos entering into your marriage dynamic?

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Linking up today:: That Southern Mama

How Today Was Different

I liked the way today went--we changed our routine and tried something new. I'd been convicted that things needed to change. I tried lots of new things today.

1st - Wake Up Together

Marshall has been typically waking up within minutes after Josh walks out of the front door or starts the car to head to class--while I am still in bed trying to get back to sleep from Josh's alarm and my groggy good-bye. Last night, Josh and I decided that we would wake up together. You might wonder why this isn't my routine already, but honestly, I've been so tired that I would try to squeeze every last moment of shut-eye before sliding out of bed, plus I love sleep. But, you know what, today was so much better. Josh patiently woke me to consciousness, Marshall actually woke up as well and we had a lovely 20 minutes together before the school/work day began.

Such. a. difference. I will WILL myself to do it again tomorrow! Made for a great start. 

2nd - A Heartfelt Send-Off

[rather than being half awake]

3rd - Music During Breakfast

While little man ate his breakfast I cranked a Pandora station. I still was dusting the clouds from my sleepy brain, and wow did music help! I even got the dishwasher unloaded and reloaded while tending to Marshall and my hunger. The music continued throughout the morning! 

4th - Room Time

Now that Marsh is nearing the 18 month mark and enjoys to play most of the day and nap once, I have realized that I need a bit more calm down time to myself. Marshall has always been good at independent play, but always toggles between playing with me and his toys. Today I got a quiet time in my room while Marshall played in his. I put the baby gate in his doorway so he didn't feel trapped - and I was surprised how well he did! No tears, no complaints at all! I peeked in a couple of times to see him trying on shoes and walking through his play-door, quite content. This may be a daily routine that can be in place of his morning nap, since he no longer seems to need sleep that early in the day.

5th - Card Table Laundry

Popped open the good ol' card table and cranked out some laundry today (Josh helped A LOT when he came home for lunch...just because he loves me!) I had been trying to use the couch or the coffee table, but Mosho liked to play in the stacks :) The card table helped keep things out of reach, and Marsh enjoyed playing underneath!

6th - Bake

7 layer bars-- yum! I hadn't baked in awhile, and it was a nice treat for my Joshua. Won't bake everyday or anything, but it did brighten up today. Marshall is getting so much better at feeding himself, even with a spoon, which I have learn to appreciate and utilize! 

7th - LISTEN to the Bible

If you haven't found this great resource and often find your eyes tired - give BibleGateway.com a listen by looking up a passage or reading plan and clicking on the speaker icon at the top!

This verse really stood out to me today in my reading listening, as if I had never seen it before--

Read that again-- Do you know how Jesus walked? Do you claim to live in Him? 

WALK AS JESUS DID

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Our Birth Story Part 2

To read the first part of our story CLICK HERE!
Time was irrelevant to me. I had no point of reference, only working in the present. Knowing it could be close to "time", Josh asked, "When will you want her to start pushing." To which the midwife replied, "She'll know when". I remember thinking, "I sure hope I do!" But I did, and it was a relief! Of course I became acquainted with the notorious ring-of-fire that I'd heard about, but when I knew it the little one was getting close and was crowning, I realized that I might be able to actually catch the baby! I knew I was a couple of pushes away, but I waited until it made sense to me to push. When I did, and the baby was ready to come out--I guided the head in my hands, the midwife calmly checked him in the water and we slowly raised the baby to the surface.

I was overwhelmed with emotion, bursting out in tears of relief and of elation I held the little one and remember kissing and kissing his little face. HIS little face! It's a boy! His ears were like gummy bears and his eyes were soaking it all in! WELCOME TO THE WORLD! Josh wrapped his arms around us and held us both, together - his family!

The room filled with life and amazement! Our midwives checked our baby in my arms and let us enjoy our first moments. At last, I was able to share my son with others, my husband, our families. He peeked out of the little towel he was wrapped in, he looked like a dream.
I was able to feed my child for the first time, so glad that I had been given direction and support. Nursing my baby brought on the final stage of labor, the dear ol' placenta, so Josh brought our little guy out into our living room to meet his grandfathers. I labored a bit longer on the tarp covered armchair, annoyed to have to birth something that was not my baby, but thankful that it had served it's roll. It took longer than I wanted, I remember that, but soon it was delivered and I was glad to be no longer laboring.

Our family of three had some time alone, we had yet to finalize the name of our little boy. We waited to meet him and see what name suited this little person's person. We repeated our candidate names and discussed which suited him best. We agreed and brought him to the family to announce his name, tribute to our fathers. Marshall Jay. Marshall, for my dad's childhood nickname, and Jay, Josh's dad's first name. They were so honored and proud.

When walking to the herb bath in the other room, I remember my arm and leg muscles being quite sore, I hadn't even realized it until then! I was basically able to relax in candlelit sauna bathhouse that smelled like an Italian kitchen! Marshall was brought in at one point, gently pushing off with his legs and enjoying the water.

Then...it hit me...I WAS HUNGRY!!! My dad had prepared and brought over a platter of savory chicken and I chowed down! I ate and ate! My energy spiked and I was hyper as can be--not ready for bed, just wanting to stare at my baby! At this point the midwives weighed and measured Marshall and did whatever else they were supposed to do. Soon after, Josh and the little-Marshall-cocoon napped together on our bed.

Our midwives then gave us resources and said goodbye until their morning return. My mom fixed her bed on our big red couch while Josh and I prepared for the night. Every two hours, here we come! It was so exciting and memorable to care for the little guy that first night while our adrenaline and responsibility were peaked. Those quite moments of holding him, he looked so familiar, a joining of the man I love and the face I see in the mirror. I was surprised how much I instantly fell in love. I thought caring for my child would feel like an obligation, and sure, it can be hard sometimes, but it was so different than, say babysitting. Enjoying your time with children, but still looking forward to the parent's return. I was enamored and intrigued by each little feature. We determined that he had my hands, Josh's feet, Josh's mouth, my ears... but so precious and intricately formed.

In the days that followed, I was highly supported by my mom and my husband. They were (and are) the best! My mom brought me fresh made smoothies and made sure I stayed hydrated and fed. Josh was the master diaper changer. I realized it was several days in before I actually had to change a diaper! Our little apartment was quite the swinging door for awhile in addition to little check-ups with the midwife and doctor. I enjoyed everyone's company, but was pleased to also slip away to feed my child and have some quiet time alone. I knew my life had dramatically changed, so much adaptation and growth for my extroverted and people pleasing self was already in shape.

What I've learned by being a mother -- I am selfish. --and my selfishness just doesn't fly nowadays. Yeah, I want to have more sleep, freedom, no responsibilities... but you know what-- it is refining. I know I've changed, I didn't really want to change, but I think that's okay, even required. Life is all about growing, adapting, and changing. Life would be dull without difference. --and now that I have baby fever already creeping into my system again, I can only guess as to how a little number 2 will be a game changer. This is a good life.

Without the help of the LORD it is useless to build a home or to guard a city. It is useless to get up early and stay up late in order to earn a living. God takes care of his own, even while they sleep. Children are a blessing and a gift from the LORD. Psalm 127: 1-3 CEV

To read Part 1 CLICK HERE!

    

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1 year, 6 weeks

Monday marked 1 year of marriage with my love-Josh! We had such a special day together, largely due to our relay babysitters, Gigi and Grandmommy! We now have a sweet little 6 week old! We are amazed at his sweet and playful nature. With such a new baby it was so great to get out with my man and have some quality time! Speakin' my language!
Josh had me close my eyes as he drove and led me in to each of the fun events! There was so much to reflect on together as we jotted down memories and interviewed one another on highlights of our year over dinner! We hope to continue this tradition and add to our journal each year! We enjoyed a delicious and super fancy meal at the Bonefish Grill compliments of Josh's loving parents! All if which, I should add,  came from their exclusively gluten free menu that was already at our reserved table! We must have looked like tourists, because we took pictures of each element of the meal!
When we returned home to our sleeping little boy we made sure to sing him "Happy Birthday" at exactly 9:12 pm! Which we then celebrated by eating a slice from the top of our wedding cake that my parents have stored for the year! What a ride this year has been! Here are some pictures of the day!
Here's a tour of Marshall's room
----
soon to come (I hope) ...our birth story!