To read the first part of our story
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Time was irrelevant to me. I had no point of reference, only working in the present. Knowing it could be close to "time", Josh asked, "When will you want her to start pushing." To which the midwife replied, "She'll know when". I remember thinking, "I sure hope I do!" But I did, and it was a relief! Of course I became acquainted with the notorious ring-of-fire that I'd heard about, but when I knew it the little one was getting close and was crowning, I realized that I might be able to actually catch the baby! I knew I was a couple of pushes away, but I waited until it made sense to me to push. When I did, and the baby was ready to come out--I guided the head in my hands, the midwife calmly checked him in the water and we slowly raised the baby to the surface.
I was overwhelmed with emotion, bursting out in tears of relief and of elation I held the little one and remember kissing and kissing his little face. HIS little face! It's a boy! His ears were like gummy bears and his eyes were soaking it all in! WELCOME TO THE WORLD! Josh wrapped his arms around us and held us both, together - his family!
The room filled with life and amazement! Our midwives checked our baby in my arms and let us enjoy our first moments. At last, I was able to share my son with others, my husband, our families. He peeked out of the little towel he was wrapped in, he looked like a dream.
I was able to feed my child for the first time, so glad that I had been given
direction and support. Nursing my baby brought on the final stage of labor, the dear ol' placenta, so Josh brought our little guy out into our living room to meet his grandfathers. I labored a bit longer on the tarp covered armchair, annoyed to have to birth something that was not my baby, but thankful that it had served it's roll. It took longer than I wanted, I remember that, but soon it was delivered and I was glad to be no longer laboring.
Our family of three had some time alone, we had yet to finalize the name of our little boy. We waited to meet him and see what name suited this little person's person. We repeated our candidate names and discussed which suited him best. We agreed and brought him to the family to announce his name, tribute to our fathers. Marshall Jay. Marshall, for my dad's childhood nickname, and Jay, Josh's dad's first name. They were so honored and proud.
When walking to the herb bath in the other room, I remember my arm and leg muscles being quite sore, I hadn't even realized it until then! I was basically able to relax in candlelit sauna bathhouse that smelled like an Italian kitchen! Marshall was brought in at one point, gently pushing off with his legs and enjoying the water.
Then...it hit me...I WAS HUNGRY!!! My dad had prepared and brought over a platter of savory chicken and I chowed down! I ate and ate! My energy spiked and I was hyper as can be--not ready for bed, just wanting to stare at my baby! At this point the
midwives weighed and measured Marshall and did whatever else they were supposed to do. Soon after, Josh and the little-Marshall-cocoon napped together on our bed.
Our midwives then gave us resources and said goodbye until their morning return. My mom fixed her bed on our big red couch while Josh and I prepared for the night. Every two hours, here we come! It was so exciting and memorable to care for the little guy that first night while our adrenaline and responsibility were peaked. Those quite moments of holding him, he looked so familiar, a joining of the man I love and the face I see in the mirror. I was surprised how much I instantly fell in love. I thought caring for my child would feel like an obligation, and sure, it can be hard sometimes, but it was so different than, say babysitting. Enjoying your time with children, but still looking forward to the parent's return. I was enamored and intrigued by each little feature. We determined that he had my hands, Josh's feet, Josh's mouth, my ears... but so precious and intricately formed.
In the days that followed, I was highly supported by my mom and my husband. They were (and are) the best! My mom brought me fresh made smoothies and made sure I stayed hydrated and fed. Josh was the master diaper changer. I realized it was several days in before I actually had to change a diaper! Our little apartment was quite the swinging door for awhile in addition to little check-ups with the midwife and doctor. I enjoyed everyone's company, but was pleased to also slip away to feed my child and have some quiet time alone. I knew my life had dramatically changed, so much adaptation and growth for my extroverted and people pleasing self was already in shape.
What I've learned by being a mother -- I am selfish. --and my selfishness just doesn't fly nowadays. Yeah, I want to have more sleep, freedom, no responsibilities... but you know what-- it is refining. I know I've changed, I didn't really want to change, but I think that's okay, even required. Life is all about growing, adapting, and changing. Life would be dull without difference. --and now that I have baby fever already creeping into my system again, I can only guess as to how a little number 2 will be a game changer. This is a good life.
Without the help of the LORD it is useless to build a home or to guard a city. It is useless to get up early and stay up late in order to earn a living. God takes care of his own, even while they sleep. Children are a blessing and a gift from the LORD. Psalm 127: 1-3 CEV
To read Part 1
CLICK HERE!
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- a book about ridding kids of youth entitlement)
